Feedback Thoughts

"Grading over Feedback"

Bill Ferriter. Web Source: Flickr

    I spend a lot of time on introspection. I don't say that as a way of trying to make myself sound like a good person, as I would say that too much introspection is far from a healthy thing. I analyze every single decision I make, worrying that I'll regret whatever choice I make. I spend way too much time on things as simple as sending a text message or an email because I don't know how the person I send it to will interpret it. I get so scared about failing in life, whether it's failing to uphold the image people having of me or failing in a class, the thought is paralyzing. But the articles I read, "Silence the Critical Voices in Your Head" by Sabina Nawaz, and "Seven Ways to Crush Self-Doubt in Creative Work" by John Spencer both gave me some helpful advice on dealing with this constant self-criticism and doubt.

    Nawaz's article felt particularly relevant to how I think about myself as a leader. I am involved in leadership in a few student organizations, but most importantly, I am the president of the math club. I love being president, I love getting to devote time and energy to an organization that I care about and that I believe can serve an important role on campus. But I also spend a lot of time analyzing the decisions that I make. I ask myself if I'm being too assertive, or am I not being assertive enough? Am I refusing to delegate, or am I burdening the other people on my executive team? I like how Nawaz points out the importance of paying attention to the positive feedback. I do get positive feedback from others, and I need to focus on using that to uplift myself and the people around me. And I like that Nawaz normalizes the experience of paying too much attention to the negative feedback. When I know that I'm spiraling because of one negative comment, I feel weak for allowing myself to go down that road. But I like the additional reminder that it's a common experience to be overwhelmed by criticism. I just need to focus on the steps to see and hear to the positives, and reinforce them.

    Spencer's article, meanwhile, gave some really good reminders about how to overcome the self-doubt that I experience. I set a standard of perfectionism for myself, and, while I objectively know how unhealthy that is, it doesn't stop me from doing it. It's nice to have a reminder of how I need to abandon the things that are holding me back from being happy. I particularly love his advice to find a community that allows me to be vulnerable with them and that embraces me for it. I have found that in my STEM sorority (Alpha Sigma Kappa - Women in Technical Studies), and being a part of this community has allowed me to grow in so many ways. I have learned to focus less on the societal expectations that are put on me, but, rather, on finding ways to grow through challenges.